Why do people think that the fact that we got pregnant quickly is a comfort? This is the one thing that most people are saying. As my husband said, 'it's still another 2 months and another dead baby'.
I sometimes think that people genuinely don't know what to say and as a result end up saying things that aren't of any comfort or support at all or can actually be quite insulting.
I'm trying to cling onto any hope I have left-and there isn't much. Alot of people are talking to us about this being a story and that this isn't the end of our story. I'm focusing on the future and thinking about what an amazing end our story will have-what an amazing testimony this will be when we finally have our baby - and finally complete our family - and what a potential comfort our story will be to people who are going through similar things. But at the moment we're in the middle of our story and it's an incredibly painful place to be. Every minute of every day hurts. I'm watching my dreams being flushed away again and I don't know how much more I can take.
A friend emailed me and spoke about the story of Job. He's a 'good man' in the Bible and the story goes that Satan approaches God and asks for permission to test Job thinking that the only reason he serves God is because his life is near perfect. God agrees to this (I still don't know why-but then why has God agreed to let this happen to us?) and Job loses everything; his home, his business, his family. As if this isn't enough he is then covered in painful sores. But he never turns his back on God, even though his wife tells him to. He carries on serving and worshipping him even though he's in terrible pain. And the story goes on... At the end of the book (chapter 42) Job is fully restored. God gives him 3 more daughters and 7 more sons, sheep, camels, oxen, donkeys-more than he had ever had in his early life. The story ends 'Job lived on another hundred and forty years, living to see his children and grandchildren--four generations of them! Then he died--an old man, a full life.' (MSG-Job 42:16-17)
Please God, give us our happy ending - give us out chapter 42.
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