Feeling It

I'm really feeling the effects of what's happened now. I'm so tired, so drained and so low. I'm wondering how it's possible to lose 2 babies in the space of 4 months-especially when one of them should have survived and should be here now, a happy and healthy 4 month old.
Everything hurts; I feel like I've been mugged and all I can do is lie down and feel it. I'm wondering though if this is something I need to do? After Emilie died I didn't rest. We went
out and did something together, or with Sam, nearly every day. Anything to mask the pain. Now I'm too tired. In the past I've suffered from CFS(ME) and every time I get ill a wave of fear washes over me that it'll return. I'm determined not to let that happen and am trying to make the most of being forced to rest and letting people do things for me-something I'm not very good at!
I'm trying to see this whole situation as a blip and move forwards. I have my appointment with Dr B tomorrow to see if everything has cleared from my uterus. I think it has. I feel that this in itself is God looking after me. I don't think I could lie there again and be told that my baby is dead inside me but I'm certain I passed him myself. I'm actually feeling ok about tomorrow and am quite hope filled for Dr B giving us the go ahead to try again. I know that she is also desperate for us to have a healthy baby. She used the word 'blip' herself on Tuesday and it's a word that keeps popping into my mind. Please God, let this just be a blip so that we're not held back too much on moving forward...